Truth Tuesday

 

Hi,

It’s great to see you around these parts! Let’s see, my truth for today is that I have officially learned my limitations. I thought I would be able to have two full time jobs and maintain my school demands. I have unfortunately learned the hard way that I can’t. At least not successfully. I feel as if I’ve been on auto pilot these last few months. Sure I’m always able to wake up and go to work and school, but I know for a fact that I’m not doing well in either areas. I jokingly told a friend that although immigrants have the stereotype of being able to hold down several jobs and do well in school, I’m not one of them. I’ve been in America for too long, and I’ve lost that trait. So it is with excitement that I look forward to the end of the semester. I will also be giving notice to the weekend job. So here’s a toast to the return of my sanity, stillness and a fresh start to live a fuller life.

 

Up in My Emotions

 

I never really talk about my feelings on this blog. I’m not sure why though. Maybe it’s because my feelings are often fleeting, sometimes I don’t acknowledge them at all, so it makes me feel like they don’t exist. But lately, I am realizing that I need to look my feelings/thoughts/emotions in the eye. I don’t want to be a slave to bottled up emotions or feel the noose of my feelings tighten around my neck as I attempt to navigate this craziness that I call life. I’m not sure if this blog is the best forum to do that, but if I can’t tell you guys who can I tell? So, onto it I guess.

As the cold sweeps in and night-time blinds us earlier and earlier, I find that I’m getting very restless and a little lonely as well as chilly. I can’t say that I want to be in a relationship right now, but I definitely wouldn’t mind some companionship. I so don’t have the time, energy or desire to invest in a relationship right now. I’m not sure when that’s going to change. I do however long for and miss the companionship. I’m all about the long conversations on everything yet nothing, occasional outings and of course the consistent sex. Basically I want everything good that’s in a relationship or an understanding. Impossible I know, but a girl can dream right? Due to my crazy work and school schedule I haven’t been out to mingle and interact, so my mischievous little mind took it upon itself to entertain the idea of reconnecting with a past flame. She and I both know no good would come of it. It would be nice, easy and comforting at first, then the poison that is an ex flame would slowly seep into my veins and kill whatever goodness I thought I was able to salvage. I mean someone is an ex for a reason and I’m usually smart enough not to repeat the same man over again. So here I am sharing these thoughts in the hope that my pride won’t let me rip open old wounds in a pitiful attempt to fill a carnal void.